June something through July 27. Or so.

All these thoughts have been stirring in my head for 32 days now, if my notes counter can be trusted.

There's so much I want to say I can't.

I want to recapture the feeling. Yes, I know that's emotion.

I want to be alone with God again... at peace... loved... not lonely... not regretful... not pathetic.

She has me thinking that any burst of emotion makes me pathetic. So I apologize for it.

--- After a few days of staring at the journal page in my notes and being unable to continue ---

You know what? Days old journal is old...

I can't type what I really feel her. I know I can't. Someone would get hurt. It just bottles up inside me.

Like a shipwreck in a bottle.

Do they make those? I think I would like one.

Sorry, I'm just a wreck right now.

No. I can't type that.

No. I can't put that down either.

No. Anything in the front of my mind is the exact thing I cannot write.

No. I can't do that for reasons I know well.

No.

No.

God...

What am I supposed to say?

I can't type that out...

Nor that...

You know what it is, Lord...