A List

Going to make a list of things that crossed my mind today.

Things that remind me of me:

A smiley face balloon forgotten and stuck to the ceiling of the cancer ward.

A quiet puppy lying on it's side.

"Beneath that milky hide, there's emptiness inside."

A man on the side of the road shaking a cup at everyone who passes by.

A long road and giant hedges and gate led to great expectations that fell when you could see all of Truett's very humble home (which I liked, I'm just making a parallel).

Solo beating the cage door with her face until she's bleeding but able to escape, just to be put back inside later.

Things that crossed my mind:

A drunk woman hitting on my dad at the Braves game in full view of her husband that reminded me all too much of Mick.

A dog begging for scraps like I beg for attention.

Oh crap I have to get on stage in the morning for Drama.

Thing I wish:

A talent scout would show up at Pocahontas and ask to see me afterwards.

That Cici will be as sweet as Solo, her mother.

That I can help Powhatan with his role.

That I can stop comparing myself to Mick.

That I could stop craving those hugs or that warm kiss on the cheek. That I could stop being lonely.

That I didn't feel so worthless around girls my age now.

Things to remember tomorrow:

You're nothing special so don't think she'll treat you like you are.

Ignore any cuddliness with Ethan.

Ignore the consistent affectionate nickname.

Don't retreat inside yourself when near Mick. She shouldn't have any control over your personality now. I know it's hard to undo the things she did to it on the inside.

Be glad she can't read this.

Songs that have triggered a major emotional conflict today and won't leave my mind:

"Forget and Not Slow Down"

and

"There Was No Thief"

Usually the latter.

God, help me...