Speaking aloud to God is about as useful to me as yelling at a football game or fumbling for a witty comeback at the general group of jerks that surround me.
I trip over words and sprawl over sentences. I stutter. My thoughts get blended and mixed before they leave my head.
It's easier here, when it's not in my voice. It helps me to sort them.
Sort. That's a laugh. I'm not organised.
I can be more honest here.
Like, for example.
God, I feel like I love Mick more than you.
And that's going to earn me death for real this time when she reads it. She'll leave me.
I know it's a problem, but I... I don't know how to love someone less. Unless that someone is my mom...
I need to love you more God. I don't know how to.
Probably reading my Bible, right? Yeah.
I've got a new big Bible. Mark gave it to me. It's for my discipleship thing with him.
This week: James 1:1-3. Study and take nuggets out of it.
He jumped right in. He didn't ask questions about my walk or personal life.
We talked about identity.
And I got a little suspicious.
I know it's obvious that I'm 'Tucker the Boyfriend', but some of the things he said were dead on.
Did Mick talk to him?
God, give me troubles and trials... I want to know if I'm really for you.
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