April 18

April 18, 1 Day until Portal 2

I think I get it now. I don't understand it, but I get it. Does that make sense?

I get it. I get why I have to do it. I know why I want to do it. I don't understand how to do it, but I'm doing it anyways.

Heck, I don't even understand it.

When he said not to marry someone who doesn't show these qualities, that hit me like a spear to the rib cage. I knew I had to change. Either that or I could mope and be screwed for the rest of my life.

Anyways.

I felt different for the first time in my life today. Is this change? Effort? Resolve? I honestly don't know. But it's God.

I don't know if I acted that different today, but I didn't feel as alone as I normally do. That's pretty good.

God, I want to pray that you'll heal my sister completely. I know it seems like I don't care, but just looking at her, bald and being injected with chemicals... it really does hurt. I thank you that you've been working on her already.

Help me to take nothing forgranted. Help me to remember that everything is yours, and for a purpose.

Help me to see the beauty in life, God. There must be so much I've missed in my bubble of depression, shame, and pity.

Help me to joke as easily as I always do. Thank you for gifting me with a sense of humor... even sarcastic. That's not a typical thing for an aspie. Thank you for giving me the ability and opportunity to act.

Help me to balance out Mick, Portal, and the rest of my life.

Lord, help me to stay beside you... or at least right behind you.